How Can I Navigate Feelings Caught Between My Family’s Traditional Culture and Modern Society?

The other day, I was sharing with my daughter that I’ve lived in the United States for almost 20 years now. Even after all this time, I don’t fully identify as American, and I don’t fully identify as Taiwanese either. My values, my worldview, and the way I live my life are a blend of both cultures. Over the years, I’ve learned to feel deep gratitude for what each culture has given me. But it wasn’t always this way.

When my daughter was first born, the push and pull between cultures felt much heavier. I remember the pressure I felt around parenting: Should I teach her Chinese? How much of my family’s traditions should I pass on? How do I meet my parents’ expectations while also honoring my own wishes? At the same time, my husband, as a first-time parent, wanted to follow every rule in the parenting books, while my parents believed their years of lived experience made them the experts. Both sides had the best intentions for my daughter, but for me, it was exhausting and painful to feel caught in the middle.

If you’re reading this, you might be carrying your own version of this struggle. Maybe you’ve wondered, “How can I navigate feelings caught between my family’s traditional culture and modern society?” As a therapist who has lived through this myself—and now helps clients explore cultural identity and mental health—I want to share some steps that can help.

Step 1: Recognize and allow your feelings

The truth is, this is not an easy position to be in. When you’re pulled between honoring your family’s traditions and adapting to modern values, there’s no way to make everyone happy. If you only focus on keeping the peace or meeting others’ expectations, you risk neglecting your own needs.

That’s why the first step is simply to acknowledge what you feel. Notice if you feel torn, guilty, resentful, or sad. Give yourself permission to sit with those feelings instead of pushing them away. Recognizing your emotions is not selfish—it’s the foundation for understanding what matters most to you.

Journal prompt:

• When do I notice myself feeling “caught” between cultures? What emotions come up in those moments?

Art activity:

• Draw or paint what your feelings look like—colors, shapes, or symbols that capture your inner experience of being pulled in two directions.

Step 2: Map out your inner conflict

Many first-generation adults and children of immigrants feel this exact struggle—what therapists sometimes call bicultural identity conflict. Inside, you may carry multiple “parts” of yourself that have different needs and worries.

One part of you might say, “I can’t abandon my family’s traditions—they’re tied to love, sacrifice, and legacy.” Another part might say, “I want to live in a way that feels authentic to me, even if it looks different from my family’s expectations.”

Try writing these parts down or even sketching them out on paper. The point is not to choose sides right away, but to see the full picture of what’s happening inside you.

Here’s the secret: every part of you usually has a positive intention. The part that clings to tradition wants you to stay connected and rooted. The part that longs for modern freedom wants you to feel safe and authentic. By recognizing this, you can hold more compassion for yourself instead of judging your feelings as “right” or “wrong.”

Journal prompt:

• What does each part of me want for my life? What good intention is it trying to protect?

Art activity:

• Fold a piece of paper in half. On one side, draw or collage images that represent your family’s traditions. On the other, draw or collage images that represent modern values or personal freedom. Notice how it feels to look at both together.

Step 3: Explore cultural rituals that feel nourishing

Instead of thinking about tradition as “all or nothing,” try identifying small rituals or practices that feel grounding to you. Maybe it’s cooking a family recipe, practicing a holiday ritual in your own way, or teaching your child a few words of your heritage language. These intentional choices allow you to stay connected to your roots without feeling overwhelmed by pressure.

Journal prompt:

• Which cultural traditions feel joyful or meaningful to me? Which ones feel heavy or draining?

Art activity:

• Create a “ritual card deck.” On small index cards, draw or write one tradition or cultural practice per card. Shuffle and pull one when you want inspiration to connect with your heritage in a way that feels light and supportive.

Step 4: Use your body to process the tension

Being caught between cultures isn’t just a mental struggle—it shows up in your body. Many clients who come to therapy for immigrant family expectations notice stress in their chest, stomach, or shoulders. Somatic practices can help release this stored stress and give you clarity.

Journal prompt:

• Where do I feel this tug-of-war in my body? What happens when I place a hand on that area and breathe slowly?

Art activity:

• Trace the outline of your body on paper (or just sketch a simple figure). Shade or color the areas where you feel tension. Then add colors, patterns, or symbols that represent soothing and release.

Step 5: Create a support system

Navigating two worlds can feel lonely, especially if those around you don’t understand the complexity of being bicultural or first-generation. Finding support can make a huge difference for your mental health.

Journal prompt:

• Who in my life makes me feel safe and seen? Who can I talk to when I feel torn between family expectations and my own desires?

Art activity:

• Draw a “circle of support.” Place yourself in the middle and surround yourself with the people, communities, or even ancestors and role models who remind you that you are not alone.

A gentle reminder

Balancing traditional culture and modern life doesn’t have to be a battle. With self-awareness, creative practices, and supportive relationships, you can create a path that feels authentic and deeply yours.

You don’t have to choose one side over the other—you can weave the wisdom of both worlds into a life that reflects your roots and your individuality.

If this blog resonates with you and you’d like support navigating bicultural identity, immigrant family expectations, or the emotional stress of feeling “in between,” I’d be honored to walk alongside you. In my therapy practice, I help people explore cultural identity and mental health, heal the pain of generational pressures, and create more freedom to live in alignment with their true values.

You don’t have to carry this journey alone—together, we can find a way forward that feels compassionate, grounded, and uniquely yours.
😊[Learn more about working with me here.]