IFIO Couples Therapy in Lynnwood, WA & Online in WA and CA
Trauma-informed couples counseling across Washington & California
Many couples come to therapy not because they’ve stopped caring about each other—
but because something in the relationship feels stuck, painful, and shameful.
Want more intentional, concentrated time together, without the interruption of a weekly 75-minute session?
A one-day couples intensive gives you space to go deeper, uninterrupted.
You may find yourselves:
➡Having the same arguments over and over again
➡Feeling emotionally distant, even when you’re physically together
➡Struggling to feel heard, understood, or emotionally safe
➡Getting triggered into defensiveness, shutdown, or overwhelm
➡Longing for closeness, but not knowing how to reach it without conflict
➡Questioning: “Why does this keep happening between us?”
Often, what couples experience on the surface is not the real issue. Beneath the conflict are protective emotional patterns, unmet attachment needs, and younger parts of us that learned how to survive—rather than connect.
How Intimacy From The Inside Out (IFIO) Couples Therapy Helps
IFIO helps couples understand:
➡The protective parts that show up during conflict (anger, withdrawal, criticism, shutdown)
➡The vulnerable parts underneath (fear, shame, longing, sadness, unmet needs)
➡How each partner’s nervous system gets activated in the relationship
➡How to move from reactivity into emotional presence and connection
In IFIO therapy, the goal is not to eliminate conflict—it is to transform how couples relate during conflict.
Over time, couples begin to experience:
✓More emotional safety and regulation during disagreements
✓Less escalation and shutdown cycles
✓Increased empathy and understanding for each other’s triggers
✓Deeper emotional intimacy and vulnerability
✓A stronger sense of “we’re on the same team”
Why Work With Jane
Hi, I’m Jane. I offer trauma-informed couples therapy using IFIO (Intimacy from the Inside Out), along with my training in IFS-informed therapy, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing.
This integrative approach is especially helpful for couples where:
Past trauma is impacting present relationship patterns
Emotional triggers feel intense or hard to control
One or both partners struggle with nervous system overwhelm, shutdown, or reactivity
There is a desire to reconnect, but old patterns keep taking over
Rather than focusing on who is “right” or “wrong,” I help couples slow down and understand:
What each partner is protecting
What each partner actually needs underneath the reaction
How to create space for both people’s internal worlds
How to build emotional safety from the inside out
IFIO is particularly effective because it does not treat conflict as a communication failure—it treats it as a protective system trying to prevent emotional pain.
When couples learn how to work with these protective parts instead of fighting them, connection becomes more accessible and sustainable.
What Makes IFIO Different From Traditional Couples TherapyTraditional couples therapy often focuses on:
Communication skills
Problem-solving strategies
Behavior change
While these are helpful, they often don’t fully address what is happening underneath.
IFIO couples therapy goes deeper by working with:
Attachment wounds
Emotional protection patterns
Nervous system responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn)
Inner parts that carry past relational pain
This allows couples to shift not just what they do, but what happens inside them during moments of disconnection.
Who IFIO Couples Therapy Is For
This approach may be helpful if you are experiencing:
Repeating conflict cycles that feel hard to break
Emotional distance or disconnection
Difficulty repairing after arguments
Trauma histories affecting intimacy
Anxiety or shutdown in relationships
Feeling misunderstood or emotionally alone in your relationship
It is especially supportive for couples who want more than surface-level communication tools and are ready to explore deeper emotional healing together
What You Can Expect in Sessions
In our weekly sessions, we’ll create a relatively safe, supportive space to:
Slow down reactive moments in the relationship
Identify the protective patterns each partner carries
Access and support vulnerable emotional experiences underneath
Practice new ways of staying connected during stress
Build relational safety and emotional attunement over time
Sessions are structured, but emotionally spacious—allowing both partners to feel seen without blame or shame.
Couples I Love Working With
Every relationship is unique, but many of the couples I work with are navigating something like this:
Dating or married couples who love each other but keep getting stuck in the same painful patterns
Couples where the mental load feels uneven. One partner is tracking everything (schedules, chores, emotional needs) and feels exhausted and unseen, while the other feels criticized or unsure how to help
Couples with kids who are stretched thin, running on empty, and struggling to find time or energy for each other
Interracial and intercultural couples navigating different family values, traditions, communication styles or experiences of race and identity
Couples facing conflict with in-laws or extended family, feeling caught between loyalty to family and loyalty to each other
If you see yourselves here, you're not alone, and you don't have to keep doing this the same way.
IFIO Couples Therapy FAQs
1. What is IFIO couples therapy?
IFIO (Intimacy From the Inside Out) is a couples therapy approach based on Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Toni Herbine-Blank. It helps each partner understand the "parts" of themselves that show up in conflict, like the part that gets defensive, the part that shuts down or the part that pushes to be heard. Instead of blaming each other, you learn to speak for those parts, not from them. This creates more safety, compassion and real connection, even during hard conversations.
2. How is IFIO different from Gottman or EFT?
All three are respected, effective approaches to couples therapy, with different focuses:
Gottman Method teaches practical, research-based skills for communication, conflict management and building friendship.
EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) focuses on attachment needs and the emotional cycle that drives disconnection.
IFIO goes inside each partner, working with the protective and vulnerable parts that get activated in conflict, often rooted in past hurts or trauma.
I'm trained in both IFIO and the Gottman Method, so I often blend practical tools with deeper parts work, based on what you need as a couple.
3. How often do we meet?
Most couples start with weekly 75-minute sessions, which give enough time to slow down and go deeper. As things improve, many move to every other week. If you'd like more focused, concentrated support, a one-day couples intensive can be a powerful starting point, followed by weekly or biweekly sessions to keep building on your progress.
4. Can we do couples therapy online?
Yes. I offer IFIO couples therapy online for couples anywhere in Washington and California, and in person at my Lynnwood, WA office. Online sessions work well for busy couples, parents and partners in different locations. You can join from the same room or from separate places. You'll each need a private space and a stable internet connection, and you both need to be located in Washington or California during sessions
Ready to Work Together?
I offer in-person IFIO Couples Therapy sessions in my Lynnwood office, as well as virtual sessions throughout Washington State and California.
If you’re ready to better understand your relationship patterns and build a deeper connection, contact me to schedule a consultation. I would love to hear from you.
Session Rate
75-minute IFIO Couples Therapy sessions: $250.
Contact
KareKounseling PLLC
In person office address:
16825 48th Ave W Suite #344, Lynnwood, WA 98037
Serving Washington State
Providing IFIO Couple therapy services to clients throughout Washington State, including Seattle, Lynnwood, Everett, Bothell, Redmond, Bellevue, Renton, Kent, Tacoma, and Olympia.