Why Do I Overthink Everything and How Do I Make It Stop?

You might find yourself lying in bed completely exhausted, but your brain is running a thousand miles per hour.

You are replaying a conversation from earlier. Thinking about what you should have said. Trying to figure out whether someone is upset with you. Then your brain moves on to tomorrow and starts planning for everything that could possibly go wrong.

You tell yourself, Stop thinking about it.

Five minutes later, you're still thinking.

So why does this happen?

For some people, overthinking is related to anxiety. But if you have unresolved trauma or complex PTSD (CPTSD), overthinking can also be connected to hypervigilance.

Your brain may have learned that thinking ahead, reading people, and anticipating problems are ways to keep you safe.

And if that's the case, simply telling yourself to stop overthinking probably isn't going to work.

“Jane” I-Chen Liu, MA. LMHC. SEP™, owner of KareKounseling PLLC, is a licensed trauma therapist in Lynnwood, WA who specialize in CPTSD, sexual abuse, medical trauma, and complex issues clients have with their family of origin. Jane is passionate to work with people who had been carrying too much on their own. Learn more about Jane here.

Overthinking Isn't Always Problem-Solving

First, I think it's helpful to understand the difference between problem-solving and overthinking.

Problem-solving usually moves somewhere.

You identify the problem, consider your options, make a decision, and take action.

Overthinking tends to go in circles.

You analyze the same conversation for the tenth time. You imagine five different things that could happen. You try to figure out what another person is thinking when you don't actually have enough information to know.

At some point, you're no longer gathering new information.

Your brain is trying to get certainty.

And certainty is something your brain can almost never give you.

You can spend another two hours thinking about whether someone is upset with you and still not know.

This is an important question to ask yourself when you notice that you are spiraling:

“Is there actually a problem I can solve right now, or am I trying to make myself feel safe by thinking?”

Those are two very different things.

Why Trauma Can Make Your Brain Want Certainty

If you grew up in an unpredictable environment, being able to anticipate what was coming may actually have helped you.

Maybe you needed to know what mood your parent was in.

Maybe you needed to be careful about what you said.

Maybe a small mistake could result in yelling, criticism, shame, withdrawal, or punishment.

Maybe your home wasn't physically dangerous, but you never quite knew when someone was going to become angry, critical, or emotionally unavailable.

Your brain learns from repetition.

When something happens over and over again, the nervous system starts looking for cues that will help it predict what is coming next.

Research on childhood trauma has found differences in threat-processing systems, including heightened responses to threatening emotional information. From an adaptive perspective, this makes sense: if your environment is unpredictable, becoming better at noticing potential danger can help you navigate that environment.

The problem is that the brain can continue using the same strategy long after the original environment is gone.

At 10 years old:

“What mood is Mom in?”

might have been useful information.

At 40:

“My boss's email seemed slightly shorter than usual. Is she mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Am I going to lose my job?”

may be the same protective system operating in a completely different environment.

This is one reason trauma-related overthinking can be so persistent.

Your brain isn't just thinking.

It's predicting.

And prediction once helped you feel safer.

Why Overthinking Can Feel So Hard to Stop

Your brain is essentially trying to complete an impossible assignment:

“Figure out everything that could go wrong so nothing bad ever surprises me.”

There is no endpoint to that assignment.

There's always another possibility.

But what if...?

What about...?

Maybe they meant...?

What if I forgot...?

Every time you answer one question, your brain can generate another one.

That's why overthinking can continue for hours without actually making you feel better.

The goal, then, isn't to find the final thought that makes you feel completely certain.

It's learning to recognize when thinking has stopped being useful.

An IFS Approach: Don't Fight the Overthinking Part

This is where I find Internal Family Systems (IFS) helpful.

Instead of saying:

I need to stop overthinking.

Try noticing:

“There is a part of me that really needs to figure this out right now.”

Then ask that part a more useful question:

“What are you afraid will happen if we don't figure this out?”

That question takes you underneath the thinking.

Maybe the answer is:

I'll make a mistake.

Someone will be angry with me.

I'll embarrass myself.

I'll get rejected.

I'll lose control.

Now we have something to work with.

The problem isn't actually the email you're analyzing for the twentieth time.

The problem may be that a part of your system believes:

Making a mistake is dangerous.

That's very different.

And that's where deeper trauma work can begin.

But What If I Can't Feel Compassion Toward My Parts?

This is where I think IFS can become difficult for people with complex trauma.

You may understand the idea of approaching your parts with curiosity and compassion, but when you actually try to do it, you feel nothing.

Or you get irritated.

Or another voice immediately says:

This is stupid.

That is useful information.

People with developmental trauma don't necessarily experience compassion as safe.

If vulnerability was ignored, criticized, punished, or used against you when you were young, then turning toward a vulnerable part with tenderness can actually activate another protector.

In other words:

Your difficulty accessing compassion may itself be protective.

Research on self-compassion has found that people with histories of childhood maltreatment can experience greater fear of self-compassion. Kindness toward yourself isn't automatically soothing if your nervous system learned that vulnerability was dangerous.

So I don't think the answer is to force yourself into “Self energy.”

Start smaller.

Instead of:

Can I love this part?

Try:

“Can I understand why this part learned to do this?”

You don't have to love it.

You don't even have to like it.

Understanding is enough to start.

Try This When You Catch Yourself Overthinking

When you notice yourself going around and around, try these three questions:

1. Is there a problem I can actually solve right now?

If yes, identify one action.

Send the email. Write the reminder down. Have the conversation tomorrow. Make the appointment.

Then stop solving it for tonight.

2. If there isn't anything I can do right now, what am I trying to get from thinking?

Certainty?

Reassurance?

Control?

Protection from rejection?

Protection from making a mistake?

This helps you identify what the overthinking part is actually trying to accomplish.

3. What does my body need right now?

This is where we move out of cognitive processing and into the nervous system.

Feel your feet against the floor.

Push your back gently against the chair and notice the support behind you.

Look around the room instead of looking inward.

Notice three things that tell you where you are right now.

Move your body.

Stretch.

Walk.

Feel the difference between what your mind predicts might happen and what is actually happening in this moment.

This isn't about convincing yourself that you're safe.

It's about giving your nervous system current information.

Trauma often pulls information from the past into the present.

Orienting helps your body notice:

That was then. This is what is happening now.

Give Your Brain Somewhere to Put the Problem

If overthinking happens mostly at night, I also recommend something very practical.

Keep a notebook next to your bed.

Write down:

What am I worried about?

Then:

Is there anything I can do about this tonight?

If the answer is no, write down the next action you can take tomorrow.

For example:

I'm worried my boss didn't like my proposal.

Can I solve this at 1:00 a.m.? No.

Next action: Review her feedback tomorrow and ask for clarification if needed.

You aren't telling your brain that the concern doesn't matter.

You're telling it:

“I heard you. We have a plan. We don't need to solve this right now.”

For some protective parts, that works much better than saying, Stop thinking.

Sometimes Overthinking Is the Symptom, Not the Problem

This is probably the most important thing I want people to understand.

If you have spent years trying to stop overthinking and nothing seems to work, you may be treating the symptom.

Underneath the overthinking might be:

Fear of making mistakes.

Fear of disappointing people.

Fear of conflict.

Fear of rejection.

A need to stay in control.

Difficulty tolerating uncertainty.

Or a nervous system that learned a long time ago:

“If I don't stay alert, something bad might happen.”

This is why trauma treatment can help.

In therapy, we're not simply teaching your brain to “think less.”

We are helping the parts of you that still expect danger understand that your life is different now.

With IFS, we can understand what the overthinking part is protecting.

With EMDR, we can work with experiences and beliefs from the past that continue to get activated in the present.

With Somatic Experiencing®, we can work with what happens in your body when your nervous system goes into high alert and help you develop more capacity to come back into the present.

The goal isn't to never overthink again.

The goal is that eventually you can notice:

Oh. My brain is trying to protect me again.

And instead of spending the next three hours following every thought, you can ask:

“Is there something I need to do right now?”

If there is, do it.

If there isn't, maybe the work isn't to think harder.

Maybe the work is helping your nervous system learn that you don't have to predict everything in order to be okay.

If There’s One Thing You Can Do Today, Do This

Get a piece of paper and a pen—not your phone—and write down everything your brain is trying to figure out.

Don't organize it. Don't try to solve it. Just write down the thoughts that keep circling in your head.

Then tell yourself:

“These thoughts are important. I don't have to figure them all out right now. I wrote them down so I won't lose them, and I will make time to come back and look at them.”

This might sound simple, but there is a reason I like this practice.

When your brain keeps repeating the same thoughts, a part of you may be afraid that if it stops thinking about them, you will forget something important, miss something, or be unprepared.

Writing them down gives those thoughts somewhere else to live.

You aren't telling your overthinking part to shut up or go away. You are letting it know:

“I hear you. This matters to you. We have a place to keep it, and we can come back to it later.”

Then put the paper somewhere you know you can find it.

You don't have to solve everything tonight.

Sometimes the first step isn't getting your brain to stop thinking.

It's helping your brain trust that it doesn't have to hold everything all at once.

Therapy for Overthinking, CPTSD, and Childhood Trauma

If you struggle with chronic overthinking, hypervigilance, anxiety, or complex PTSD, especially if you grew up with emotionally immature, critical, unpredictable, or unavailable parents, there may be a reason your brain learned to work this hard.

I provide trauma therapy using IFS, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing® to help adults understand and work with the deeper patterns underneath anxiety and overthinking.

I offer in-person therapy in Lynnwood, Washington, as well as online therapy throughout Washington State and California.

You don't necessarily need to become better at controlling your thoughts.

You may need to help your nervous system learn that it no longer has to anticipate everything in order to protect you.

Book Your Free Consultation